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Say “Yes” To What YOU Want

 What a dilemma!

I must learn to say “no” but yet I have to say “yes” to what I want…

What to do?

What about doing nothing and be myself.

Being myself is very appealing but it requires a great deal of self confidence. It means being oblivious to people’s judgment. That is a journey in itself but what if, despite my wonderful personality, I wish I would not have those little unsavory reactions with my friend, say? What if I would not put myself in situations that I regret afterwards? What if, at times, I would allow making myself happy? How to do that without making some changes? Would I be myself then? The world is pulling me in so many directions and the only thing I want is being happy. What does it all mean anyway? I am a helpful person. I always loved to give my time, resources and energy to my friends and family. I even have people I hardly know come to me for help. It’s wonderful. Yet, at the same time, I am often disappointed and I rarely have time for myself. I have been told to learn saying “no”. But if I do, I will not be myself any longer. I have tried anyway and it is so difficult. Each situation is different and I have involved myself yet another time without realizing it.

I could probably start by giving myself some time, take a couple of hours to think, wait the next day to give a final answer. The problem is that most of the time I can help. So, I feel like a cheat when I think of excuses. Yet, some of my friends do not really give me excuses when they are not available and I do not feel offended. How about just saying: “I understand but I cannot help”. It does sound pretty rough! Of course, it is the first time, pretty uncomfortable if you ask me.

Maybe it is uncomfortable for me only. I may very well project my bit of anxiety onto others. If I repeat the experience, the next time will be easier. I could even choose when to say “no” and continue to be myself without losing myself. It would be much more fun!

I am now saying “no”. I have lost a few acquaintances but I have a lot more time with my good friends. I still feel a little weird, though, because the change I have made sounds pretty negative. But what if in saying “no”, I allow myself more freedom as to what others expect from me? In fact, I am saying “yes” to more independence, more significant commitment to what I really want to do. I am saying “yes” to being myself and I have said “yes” to what really was scaring me so bad before: saying “no”! As my good friend is saying “yes” doesn’t mean saying “yes” to everything that comes along your path. It does mean saying “yes’ to the things that scare you, the things that will make you a better person, push you beyond who you are today”.

The beauty of being in line with our intentions is beyond personal rewards. It is the quintessence of self-confidence versus arrogance. Enjoy the experience!

LOVE Abundantly & LIVE Abundantly

It is the end of April, already! So much time is spent around negative feelings, so much time lost in the pursuit of those little bits of joy which bring us happiness. The search for happiness was the topic of my last post.

Today, I continue to speak about happiness adding a new ingredient: love. I just read a book “Adultery” written by Paul Coelho”. It is the story of a young woman, wife and mother, who is searching for happiness and discovers that love is the secret to personal growth and emotional achievement.

Love Live

She discovers that only love, deep love, love for ourselves, for others, for enemies, for nature brings more love and peace. “When we abandon everything, we have nothing to loose any longer and so disappear fear, jealousy, boredom, and routine”. We then become able to open up to a new world, unknown, but full of propositions sometime unexpected but always pure of intention.

Love Live

Even the love for a pet gives a justification to a life. Life without love becomes worthless, empty. Love brings pain as birth leads to death because it is the cycle of life. When we make love the goal of our life as in acceptance, empathy, and wonderment, we can always find some degree of happiness…and so “we must love abundantly and live abundantly”.

Happiness & Aristotle

We have so many refrains about happiness: “don’t worry, be happy”, “Carpe Diem”, etc.

We have so many specialists and so many methods: spirituality, psychotherapy, alternative care, drugs under and over the counter, sports and biochemical, travel agents, love specialists, etc.

We have so many claims, research, testimonies, and experience in social science, health science, other science and in fields including everything men can use to provide answers to this “holy grail”.

All in all, except few specimens who claim they know how to live happy, we are faced with the same question, the same search, the same dilemma: “We want to be happy but we do not know how”.

I am not an expert since I am not happy every day and all the time but from readings and experiences both personal and professional, I have come to understand misunderstandings that we commonly entertain regarding Happiness.

  1.  I cannot pinpoint any given long term experiences such as marriage, child rearing, carrier, or any other endeavors that provide full time Happiness without a load of difficult moments.
  2.  I do not think that short term success is equivalent to Happiness as a long term achievement.
  3. Neither material reward nor belongings can maintain Happiness in a lifelong perspective.
  4. “Being in the Here and Now” does not equal Happiness. Being fully involved in the present moment does not necessarily give access to Happiness. It does, however, involved focus because it demands the use of all our sensing faculties and, therefore, provides a sense of peace from the stress an overworking mind creates. Taking the time to really commit to the present moment usually enhances the quality of the experience which delivers, in turn, moments of pleasure also called tiny bits of happiness.
  5. Aristotle said “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts”. Could it mean that Happiness is greater than all the short moments of our lives during which we experience tiny bits of joy? No, it does not.  It means that one tiny bit of happiness leads to the next one and as we go throughout the day these moments have the tendency to expand and multiply giving us the impression of a good day. The concept here is that when we foster positive experiences such as a smile or a good word, acts of gratitude or support, observation or care of nature, just tiny bits of happiness, we tend to enhance and multiply positive experiences which linked together create the synergy of Happiness.

Tiny bits of can be located in many different places, situation and things. Most of us relish in social contacts. Some of us need alone moments without screens, food or drinks.  Quiet activities such as reading or listening to music are necessary for some whereas physical activities offer excellent therapeutic experiences for others. We must ask ourselves what it could be for us and collect these moments, connect them, enjoy them and rejoice at the end of the day for another great day, a whole that is now greater than the sum of its parts because it becomes Happiness!