Back again to this extraordinarily difficult concept that seems to elude us every time we need to rely upon it.
The challenge is not necessarily to understand it but rather to be willing to enact it. The challenge is to enroll our emotions to the service of our rationality. The challenge is to allow our emotion to disengage in order to give room to the present moment to exist.
We know that to stop negative recurrent thoughts, toxic relationships, self-destructive habits and other happiness poisoning behaviors, we must move on. However, the very rationale of enacting these behaviors stems from our emotions: high expectations, needs, poor self-esteem, helplessness, codependency, fears of separation and abandonment, anxieties, etc.
These emotions create correlating maladaptive behaviors. In return, these behaviors allow us to endure, to keep going, to maintain some sense of balance and purpose. We establish patterns of behavior that are hurtful most of the time and make us numb. However, they become familiar over time. We feel to somewhat control them and we hold on to them as our safety buoy. What we forget in the deal is that they do not increase our “feeling good” potential, they are just a trick, a mask. We hold on to them because we prefer knowing where it is going to hurt rather then to choose an unknown route.
So, we live from the past (our negative emotions) to the future (our hurting behaviors) bypassing the present, the now, the place where we create those moments that eventually fill up our happiness bag and our future. And that is the magic! Letting go means to forget expectations, what we “deserve”, our due, projects, control, even our need for results. Not wanting anything emotionally is to become open, available and alive. It allows the unknown to take over. It starts right where we are, at this precise moment. It is a wonderful adventure!